I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
