we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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