My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
