I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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