I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
