what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
