the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
