i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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