if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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