I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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