Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
