Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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