if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
