i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
