where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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