I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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