Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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