She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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