why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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