Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
