If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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