he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
