dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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