Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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