he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
