take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
