Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
