Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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