Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
