Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you would pick up someone in the library
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
