Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
