i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
