I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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