Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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