This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
