im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
