Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
false alarm, still single
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
