I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
