Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
