Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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