I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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