I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
