i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
