dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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