well I can't set my house on fire every night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
please come you make the beer taste better
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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