don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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