I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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