youre lurking in front of me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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