i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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