Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
