Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize