He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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