How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
