I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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