Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
