I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
