All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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