Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
