I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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