i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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