My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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