roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
