I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We need to get me chipped asap
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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